Ann & I started volunteering at the other church that we go to. It is so fun. we work in the Toddler (ages 1-3) once a month. we play toys with them and then they eat goldfish for snack. we also greet the parents and make sure they are registered to be there and that their parents get them and have the same number that their kid does. i am very impressed with the security level at that church. definately a church i wouldn't mind my kids going to some day if i have some, that is. we also work at a K-5 room once a month, too. its a little more involved though.. you have to remember the lessen curriculm. so that would be a challenge. but its a good thing and maybe i'll learn some more too. its funny how i never wanted to have kids but being around them so much and talking about having some has removed some of the bitterness from my heart. i think ive changed. and i hope thats a good thing. and i hope some day i will have changed enough to be mature and considered an adult. but that comes with time, i guess. i mean - i know - and unfortunately experience is the best teacher of them all.
i went to the doctor's on monday and they said i lost some weight. that's good. but im not excited yet - im not even close to my goal. my biggest fear is that i may never be. but to who can i blame but myself? something i did notice is that i can cross my legs and fit them under my desk like that. i couldn't do that for the longest. its the little things that count, i suppose. well at least to me [now]. i am holding onto every piece of goodness and not taking it for granted. i dont know how long anything will last. and i want to be there when it ends and know i did everything i did to preserve those fine moments. and that i didn't leave anything crucial unsaid.
work is good. next month is 3yrs for me. im happy about that. who'd ever think i could stay at a job longer than a few months? go me! last weekend i cleaned the bathroom, my room & my car. that may not be a lot, but to me that is amazing to have energy to be able to do one thing a day. who'd ever think i'd be excited to stay home and clean? well it's gotten to this point where i would rather be settled than on the go.
its also gotten to the point where there is no possible way i can seem to please anyone. everything i do is wrong. but that is just something i will have to accept. that's life, unfortunately. i am sorry